Mon 07/23/07
As we awoke in the early morning, Susan said, "I know I'm asking dumb questions, but who is your wife?" (You are.) "Of course I am. That's right. I'm your wife." I described our wedding photos on the wall and wondered what she was thinking. (Who did you think you were?) "I'm not sure who I am. It's all so bizarre."
Susan's birthday. She was served meals with the red birthday plate. She had a bowl of cut fruit with breakfast – apples, nectarines, bananas, green grapes and red grapes. We worked on naming each fruit as she touched and tasted it. She struggled repeatedly and commented how strange it is that she can't retain such basic information. She felt tired after breakfast.
Susan mentioned again that everything (the room, the sky) is constantly spinning. It makes her dizzy. With vertigo and obscured vision, no wonder she needs help to walk.
Today is Susan's birthday. We had dinner provided by a loving relative and were visited by my mom, my 100-year-old grandmother, and my brother Chris, whom we convinced to eat with us. We also had phone calls from our Pastor Ken and my high school friend Robbie Lyell. Later Bob & Chris Olson, Bob and Kristin Feenstra, and Sue's brother Randy dropped in. We enjoyed coffee and dessert with lively conversation. Susan and I remarked how satisfying it is to spend leisure time with friends and family – and a crisis forces us to do what we're usually too busy to do: make space for others.
Tue 07/24/07
A physical therapist visited our home to evaluate the environment for safety, to observe Susan doing several daily living activities, and lead her in some basic stretching and callisthenic exercises. Our friend Holly Weisenberger brought us lunch with her visit; and Dorothy Romberg sat with Susan while I went to the hospital to pick up some records and pre-admit Susan for radiation treatment. Sue continues to improve.
Dorothy stayed with Susan for several hours while I went to the hospital to pick up records and pre-admit Susan for radiation treatments. Our friend Melanie Gunsolus came by to visit and to pray. While they were in prayer, Melanie was in the Spirit and saw two angels attending Susan, one on either side. She's never seen angels before. They appeared to be male, they were huge, had large wings, and they quietly guarded Susan. Wow. God is up to something!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
A community seeking the Lord
Sun 07/22/07
I kept Susan home from church to avoid over-exerting her since Fri night was pretty taxing. I helped her bathe after breakfast; and she enjoyed sitting in the patio once again.
Lexie brought her mom a snack of Cocoa Puffs cereal in the late morning. Susan thinks it's "the bomb." She doesn't remember having them before, and usually kept sweet cereals out of the house. "I do like these. What are they called again?" She drank the chocolate milk out of the bowl.
Our dear friend Vicki Gelberg has been led to organize a prayer vigil for Susan and others at our church who are dealing with cancer diagnosis and treatment. Her email to me reflects solid, biblical guidelines for seeking the Lord in this season. From Vicki:
I have been musing in my quiet moments with God about how to approach the words on my heart – "prayer vigil." Here are some of the themes He’s provided:
As you know, Susan Buccowich, Jeff Nord and several other members of the body are afflicted by life altering or life threatening illness. As the body of Christ, we will respond to the counsel of God's Word and specifically, the words of Christ as we take a 10 day journey of prayer. Everyone at Emmanuel is invited to attend Oasis this Thursday night 7/26 at 7:00 as Mike Buccowich and Vicki Gelberg lead us to begin this journey – following God's call to prayer and fasting for healing within this body. Come and participate in this time for God's purposes.
We will model our prayer vigil on the Book of Esther for those in our church community who have been afflicted with life-threatening or life-altering illnesses.
It will happen like this:
Thu 7/26 7pm Oasis @ ERC. Preparing. Gather to worship, pray, and prepare for a three-day fast, a unified approach to God that will precede our four-day prayer vigil.
Fri 7/27 – Sun 7/29. Seeking. Individually fast and seek the power of the Holy Spirit and direction from the LORD God as to how we are to pray for those afflicted over the coming vigil.
Sun 7/29 6pm @ ERC. Sensing. Gather to worship, pray, and discern the LORD's direction in any Word the LORD has provided.
Mon 7/30 – Thu 8/2. Praying. Maintain a four-day, hour-to-hour vigil following in the steps as the LORD has disclosed.
Thu 8/2 7pm Oasis @ ERC. Revealing. Gather to worship, pray, and share how the LORD has led.
I am grateful for the Holy Spirit's prompting, for Vicki's obedience, for our church leaders who are open to the power of God with purpose being displayed in our lives today, and for our community of believers who demonstrate their love with a "whatever it takes" commitment to one other. God is awesome.
On fasting:
Esther 4:15-16a Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: "Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king..."
Mark 9:26-29 The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up. After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer." [Some manuscripts say "prayer and fasting."]
The rule on fasting is there are no rules. It's about denying the flesh so you can pray better. For some it means giving up sweets or TV. For others, it means eating only breakfast (or lunch or dinner). Still others will not eat for three days, drinking only water or juice. Each method is personal; and the one who eats nothing is not better than the one who gives up sweets. Of course, you should avoid putting your health at risk and should be sensible in your approach.Also you should avoid the notion that fasting somehow controls the Living God. The purpose of a fast is to put a temporary limit on your consumption machine and create a space to focus acutely on God, to put off the flesh to listen. Hunger pangs are an excellent reminder to pray. Constant hunger becomes constant prayer.
I kept Susan home from church to avoid over-exerting her since Fri night was pretty taxing. I helped her bathe after breakfast; and she enjoyed sitting in the patio once again.
Lexie brought her mom a snack of Cocoa Puffs cereal in the late morning. Susan thinks it's "the bomb." She doesn't remember having them before, and usually kept sweet cereals out of the house. "I do like these. What are they called again?" She drank the chocolate milk out of the bowl.
Our dear friend Vicki Gelberg has been led to organize a prayer vigil for Susan and others at our church who are dealing with cancer diagnosis and treatment. Her email to me reflects solid, biblical guidelines for seeking the Lord in this season. From Vicki:
I have been musing in my quiet moments with God about how to approach the words on my heart – "prayer vigil." Here are some of the themes He’s provided:
- God is sovereign
- God provides
- God wants us to seek after Him and promises we will find Him
- God wants us to seek to know His heart
- God wants us to know and trust Him from the center of our beings, our hearts
- God wants us to work to approach Him in unity of spirit as well as unity of intention
- God wants us to trust Him outside of our own understanding
- God wants us to acknowledge and give way to His sovereign power
- God wants us to learn to truly GLORIFY HIM in all we do
As you know, Susan Buccowich, Jeff Nord and several other members of the body are afflicted by life altering or life threatening illness. As the body of Christ, we will respond to the counsel of God's Word and specifically, the words of Christ as we take a 10 day journey of prayer. Everyone at Emmanuel is invited to attend Oasis this Thursday night 7/26 at 7:00 as Mike Buccowich and Vicki Gelberg lead us to begin this journey – following God's call to prayer and fasting for healing within this body. Come and participate in this time for God's purposes.
We will model our prayer vigil on the Book of Esther for those in our church community who have been afflicted with life-threatening or life-altering illnesses.
It will happen like this:
Thu 7/26 7pm Oasis @ ERC. Preparing. Gather to worship, pray, and prepare for a three-day fast, a unified approach to God that will precede our four-day prayer vigil.
Fri 7/27 – Sun 7/29. Seeking. Individually fast and seek the power of the Holy Spirit and direction from the LORD God as to how we are to pray for those afflicted over the coming vigil.
Sun 7/29 6pm @ ERC. Sensing. Gather to worship, pray, and discern the LORD's direction in any Word the LORD has provided.
Mon 7/30 – Thu 8/2. Praying. Maintain a four-day, hour-to-hour vigil following in the steps as the LORD has disclosed.
Thu 8/2 7pm Oasis @ ERC. Revealing. Gather to worship, pray, and share how the LORD has led.
I am grateful for the Holy Spirit's prompting, for Vicki's obedience, for our church leaders who are open to the power of God with purpose being displayed in our lives today, and for our community of believers who demonstrate their love with a "whatever it takes" commitment to one other. God is awesome.
On fasting:
Esther 4:15-16a Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: "Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king..."
Mark 9:26-29 The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up. After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer." [Some manuscripts say "prayer and fasting."]
The rule on fasting is there are no rules. It's about denying the flesh so you can pray better. For some it means giving up sweets or TV. For others, it means eating only breakfast (or lunch or dinner). Still others will not eat for three days, drinking only water or juice. Each method is personal; and the one who eats nothing is not better than the one who gives up sweets. Of course, you should avoid putting your health at risk and should be sensible in your approach.Also you should avoid the notion that fasting somehow controls the Living God. The purpose of a fast is to put a temporary limit on your consumption machine and create a space to focus acutely on God, to put off the flesh to listen. Hunger pangs are an excellent reminder to pray. Constant hunger becomes constant prayer.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Wrapping up a long hospitalization, going home
Thu 07/19/07
Susan's procedure today to implant the IVC filter was successful, done under local anesthesia followed by a 4-hour lay-flat recovery. She's tired and sore, and went to sleep early. Her memory and vision are still affected; but she seems to get better oriented each day. We'll know tomorrow whether she'll be released.
Fri 07/20/07
After a full day of reading greeting cards together, having occupational therapy, visiting with our new friend and Susan's roommate Katie, and waiting to be released, Susan was discharged from the hospital. I consulted with a doctor, nurse, therapist and social worker about caring for her at home – the main thing is 24 hour supervision for her safety and continued medications for anti-inflammation, anti-seizure, or pain when needed.
When we arrived at home, Susan had no recollection of our house – the layout, the rooms; and she didn't recognize our dog and cat. Since her sight is limited, it was hard to discern our pets since they're both about the same size. She also kept confusing their names.
With a change of clothes, we went to Susan's parents' house for a family party to celebrate Susan's birthday and her parent's 50th wedding anniversary. The entire family was there, including Brian & Nancy and family from CO, and Randy & Dorothy and family – 27 in all. It was a great reunion.
We left early when Susan became fatigued and more confused. At home she remarked at home how she knew we had lived in our house a long time and how strange it is that she has no knowledge of it.
Sat 07/21/07
Susan feels like she was just born and needs to rediscover everything. I encourage her not to force it, but I'm pleased she's motivated. She's saddened that she can't distinguish colors (only shades of gray) and feels like the world has lost its vividness. She can see my eyes now, but not with clarity or color.
Lexie helped her mom bathe and dress. When I helped Susan brush her teeth, she hated the taste of her usual cinnamon toothpaste. "Ack – is this what I like?" The brain is a complicated organ.
Aside from some low back pain, Susan had a restful day and enjoyed relaxing outside in our patio. She has an ever-grateful attitude and apologizes continually that (she thinks) she's being a burden. I always remind her of our wedding promises to love each other for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others till death do us part. We're partners.
Susan's procedure today to implant the IVC filter was successful, done under local anesthesia followed by a 4-hour lay-flat recovery. She's tired and sore, and went to sleep early. Her memory and vision are still affected; but she seems to get better oriented each day. We'll know tomorrow whether she'll be released.
Fri 07/20/07
After a full day of reading greeting cards together, having occupational therapy, visiting with our new friend and Susan's roommate Katie, and waiting to be released, Susan was discharged from the hospital. I consulted with a doctor, nurse, therapist and social worker about caring for her at home – the main thing is 24 hour supervision for her safety and continued medications for anti-inflammation, anti-seizure, or pain when needed.
When we arrived at home, Susan had no recollection of our house – the layout, the rooms; and she didn't recognize our dog and cat. Since her sight is limited, it was hard to discern our pets since they're both about the same size. She also kept confusing their names.
With a change of clothes, we went to Susan's parents' house for a family party to celebrate Susan's birthday and her parent's 50th wedding anniversary. The entire family was there, including Brian & Nancy and family from CO, and Randy & Dorothy and family – 27 in all. It was a great reunion.
We left early when Susan became fatigued and more confused. At home she remarked at home how she knew we had lived in our house a long time and how strange it is that she has no knowledge of it.
Sat 07/21/07
Susan feels like she was just born and needs to rediscover everything. I encourage her not to force it, but I'm pleased she's motivated. She's saddened that she can't distinguish colors (only shades of gray) and feels like the world has lost its vividness. She can see my eyes now, but not with clarity or color.
Lexie helped her mom bathe and dress. When I helped Susan brush her teeth, she hated the taste of her usual cinnamon toothpaste. "Ack – is this what I like?" The brain is a complicated organ.
Aside from some low back pain, Susan had a restful day and enjoyed relaxing outside in our patio. She has an ever-grateful attitude and apologizes continually that (she thinks) she's being a burden. I always remind her of our wedding promises to love each other for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, forsaking all others till death do us part. We're partners.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Gradual improvement, next steps
Sat 07/14/07
Susan continues neurological improvement, feeling more with it and acting more like Susan. Some facts are just not there, while other things come back amazingly. She was eating peas with dinner and finished my rhyme from long ago. I began, "I eat my peas with honey.” She continued, “I've done it all my life; they do taste kind of funny, but it keeps them on my knife." Pretty cool.
Sun 07/15/07
We had another family meeting with Dr. Ceverha, reviewing pre- and post-op MRIs. There's a lot of tumor left in her dominant left frontal lobe, across the corpus collossum and memory strip, and below the mid-line. Affected areas: speech, motor control, memory, personality. We are weighing risks of a second surgery for quantity of life vs the damage surgery may do to quality of life. Obviously, radiation and chemotherapy will be more effective on less tumor mass, but at what cost? Lord, have mercy.
Dr. Ceverha will refer me to a neuro-oncologist at UCLA named Dr. Cloughesy, whom he would see if it were his loved one. His opinion on radiation and chemotherapy for Susan will inform our decision about a 2nd surgery.
We grapple with the medical fact – Susan will die from this tumor. Surgery and treatment will delay and interrupt, but medically speaking, the tumor will eventually overtake her. Lord, have mercy.
I had a quiet evening visit with Susan alone. We talked, held and loved each other and prayed. I recounted events and discussed the seriousness of her tumor and prognosis. I spoke from Colossians 1 about the supremacy of Christ, that cancer has had power over her; but Jesus has power over cancer. I bound, cursed and rebuked cancer in Jesus' name, and commanded her body to devour cancer cells and restore memory and sight. I asked God to improve her vision over what it was before and that she would be able to see, understand, and administer healing of all kinds in others out of the healing she receives from God.
We thanked God for healing her. I am encouraged that Susan believes she will be healed and that this is not her time to die. She knows God has plans to use her as a witness and feels like she has more to live and do for the Lord. Thank you, Father!
Tue 07/17/07
Continued improvement with memory and strength – she's walking more with assistance. Susan really wants to come home for a more normal life.
A routine post-op ultrasound exam found a small blood clot in her thigh. It's not a big deal; but they'll watch it and administer aspirin and exercise. A stronger blood thinner will increase stroke risk.
Another God thing: Susan's brother Randy is marketing director for Cleveland Golf, which donates part of revenue from women's product sales for breast cancer research. Randy "coincidentally" had breakfast today with a pathologist from LBMMC who benefits from these gifts. Dr. Ibarra said he reviewed Susan's lab results along with the pathology team and now has a personal interest in her case. He'll order a duplicate set of slides to replace the sample sent to Mayo Clinic so we'll have it for our consultation at UCLA. He also had more stellar comments about Susan's neurosurgeon to add to our list.
Wed 07/18/07
Susan has had more improvement in memory, awareness and strength, and greater eagerness to be home. She's sort of frustrated in feeling like she's missed out on a lot; but I encourage her not to force it, that memory will continue to be restored.
To protect from the risk of pulmonary embolism from the blood clot, she'll have a procedure tomorrow to implant an IVC filter (in the inferior vena cava, a blood vessel below the heart). Hopefully, she'll be home by Friday.
More visions in prayer for my sister, Becky! She felt God's assurance that He has angels caring for her then saw Susan in her hospital bed with two angels at either side of her head and one at the foot, angled toward the door. They were calmly watching; there was no threat.
Becky saw me sitting in a chair, unaware that an angel had his hand on the top of my head, ministering to me. He moved to my side and removed a sheet of paper from his mouth that had been folded to about 1" square. I opened my mouth unaware and he placed it inside. Becky wondered about what she saw, then understood that God has put His words in my mouth from this angel messenger to be spoken without effort. Also, I am to continue speaking words of life over Susan. Thanks, Lord! I know this thing is not about feelings, but I'm feeling good.
Susan continues neurological improvement, feeling more with it and acting more like Susan. Some facts are just not there, while other things come back amazingly. She was eating peas with dinner and finished my rhyme from long ago. I began, "I eat my peas with honey.” She continued, “I've done it all my life; they do taste kind of funny, but it keeps them on my knife." Pretty cool.
Sun 07/15/07
We had another family meeting with Dr. Ceverha, reviewing pre- and post-op MRIs. There's a lot of tumor left in her dominant left frontal lobe, across the corpus collossum and memory strip, and below the mid-line. Affected areas: speech, motor control, memory, personality. We are weighing risks of a second surgery for quantity of life vs the damage surgery may do to quality of life. Obviously, radiation and chemotherapy will be more effective on less tumor mass, but at what cost? Lord, have mercy.
Dr. Ceverha will refer me to a neuro-oncologist at UCLA named Dr. Cloughesy, whom he would see if it were his loved one. His opinion on radiation and chemotherapy for Susan will inform our decision about a 2nd surgery.
We grapple with the medical fact – Susan will die from this tumor. Surgery and treatment will delay and interrupt, but medically speaking, the tumor will eventually overtake her. Lord, have mercy.
I had a quiet evening visit with Susan alone. We talked, held and loved each other and prayed. I recounted events and discussed the seriousness of her tumor and prognosis. I spoke from Colossians 1 about the supremacy of Christ, that cancer has had power over her; but Jesus has power over cancer. I bound, cursed and rebuked cancer in Jesus' name, and commanded her body to devour cancer cells and restore memory and sight. I asked God to improve her vision over what it was before and that she would be able to see, understand, and administer healing of all kinds in others out of the healing she receives from God.
We thanked God for healing her. I am encouraged that Susan believes she will be healed and that this is not her time to die. She knows God has plans to use her as a witness and feels like she has more to live and do for the Lord. Thank you, Father!
Tue 07/17/07
Continued improvement with memory and strength – she's walking more with assistance. Susan really wants to come home for a more normal life.
A routine post-op ultrasound exam found a small blood clot in her thigh. It's not a big deal; but they'll watch it and administer aspirin and exercise. A stronger blood thinner will increase stroke risk.
Another God thing: Susan's brother Randy is marketing director for Cleveland Golf, which donates part of revenue from women's product sales for breast cancer research. Randy "coincidentally" had breakfast today with a pathologist from LBMMC who benefits from these gifts. Dr. Ibarra said he reviewed Susan's lab results along with the pathology team and now has a personal interest in her case. He'll order a duplicate set of slides to replace the sample sent to Mayo Clinic so we'll have it for our consultation at UCLA. He also had more stellar comments about Susan's neurosurgeon to add to our list.
Wed 07/18/07
Susan has had more improvement in memory, awareness and strength, and greater eagerness to be home. She's sort of frustrated in feeling like she's missed out on a lot; but I encourage her not to force it, that memory will continue to be restored.
To protect from the risk of pulmonary embolism from the blood clot, she'll have a procedure tomorrow to implant an IVC filter (in the inferior vena cava, a blood vessel below the heart). Hopefully, she'll be home by Friday.
More visions in prayer for my sister, Becky! She felt God's assurance that He has angels caring for her then saw Susan in her hospital bed with two angels at either side of her head and one at the foot, angled toward the door. They were calmly watching; there was no threat.
Becky saw me sitting in a chair, unaware that an angel had his hand on the top of my head, ministering to me. He moved to my side and removed a sheet of paper from his mouth that had been folded to about 1" square. I opened my mouth unaware and he placed it inside. Becky wondered about what she saw, then understood that God has put His words in my mouth from this angel messenger to be spoken without effort. Also, I am to continue speaking words of life over Susan. Thanks, Lord! I know this thing is not about feelings, but I'm feeling good.
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