Good results again at UCLA

We’re thankful once again for tumor stability following Susan’s MRI and oncology visit yesterday.  Dr Nghiemphu showed us several areas on her scans that indicate the tumor is unchanged, although we could still see last year’s blood clot as well as increased scar tissue compared to prior scans.  The blood clot may not completely disappear even though it’s much smaller than after the hemorrhage in early 2009.  The scar tissue may be the result of surgery or, more likely, Susan’s radiation treatments in 2007.   Neither the clot nor the scar tissue seem to be a big issue.  We’re glad the tumor has remained stable.
 

Since her blood counts have not fully recovered from January's chemo, we’ll wait a week and get another blood test before proceeding with her 5th dose of CCNU.  Her platelets did double to 85k from the low we saw in week 4, but they need to be much higher.  We’re also monitoring white counts and liver function that have become cautionary.  All told, this may be her last dose of CCNU since we’ve had to lower it by 20% the past few cycles and going much lower becomes ineffective against tumor growth.  Dr Nghiemphu said a full treatment is six doses anyway – and we’ll be getting most of it on board.  After that, we'll wait and watch.
 

We’re making another run at getting Susan off steroids, and will reduce her Decadron from 2mg to 1mg every other day as long as headache doesn’t become a problem.  We enjoyed another lunch at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood after Susan’s appointment courtesy of some loving friends.  We remain ever grateful for God’s faithfulness and for the support and care we receive on all sides.

Waiting for improved blood counts

Out of a busy couple of weeks at my office and an uneventful span at home, here's a brief update.  Susan has continued to do well in general – but the platelet count in her blood has trended lower again in recent blood tests.  Her platelets at week four were at 58k, while last week at week five dipped to 42k.  The normal level needed to resume chemo is 150k; and the danger-low level that can lead to spontaneous brain hemorrhage is about 10k or less.  She rebounded on her own prior to her January chemo; and will have another blood test tomorrow in advance of her Wednesday oncology visit.  If her blood counts look good, we’ll proceed with chemo on Thursday.  Otherwise, she may need a transfusion.  We’ll see.  I’m also eager to see her MRI this week and hope for more tumor stability or, Lord willing, shrinkage.  

We’ve had several highlight moments in the past several weeks, including the morning of Valentine’s Day when I gave Susan her card and read it to her.  When I choose a greeting card, I usually know at a glance whether it’s the right style. I don’t need to read every word to know that it fits and doesn’t have a lot of syrup.  This card was no different and went into the cart along with the week’s groceries.  But when I read it to her, I was struck by the meaning of its simple message – that I love how good we are together, partners and friends who are there for each other no matter what. As my mouth formed the words, I was surprised how it so sincerely captured a truth about our relationship – that what I love about us is that I get to be “us” with her. 
Susan reacted immediately, saying she had a tingle-feeling when I was reading.  We both shared our love for each other as we embraced with tears.  I love that after losing so much in Susan’s abilities and in our lives, we continue to gain in affection for each other.  I love that after 25 years, our marriage is mature and full; and that one partner’s inability to buy a gift or plan a surprise doesn’t leave the other one feeling needy or resentful.  We had a beautiful day together and with family.  The best thing? I asked Susan, “Willst thou be my Valentine?”  She said “Yes, I willst."
 
One recent low point came as I finished helping Susan in the bathroom and she slumped over in weary frustration.  She cried as she thought of her condition and said she’s tired of it all. Thankfully, Susan doesn’t often feel defeated this way.  I tried my best to comfort her.  I can’t fix it.  I can’t change it or make it go away.  But I held her close and assured her I’m with her.  We’re together.
 
In contrast, at one recent bedtime Susan said God is getting everything ready; and everything’s going to be so much better than it was before, whether it’s while she’s here or when she’s in Heaven.  Her confidence and peace come from a place deep in her spirit that is unshakable, part of her foundation of faith the Lord established in past generations and strengthened in her lifetime.  The quality of the outcome is assured even while the nature of it remains veiled in mystery.