Awful news

Tue 06/26/07
Susan had a sleepless night of severe pain, and woke Lexie several times with groaning and writhing. I had tried on Monday to get an appointment over their two-week stay with one of the two gynecologists and one neurologist in Lakeport, but to no avail. Sue's dad David took her to Sutter-Lakeside Hospital ER that morning. Dr Singh ordered a CT scan after several hours of pain medication and testing, and discovered a brain mass, about 7cm x 10cm (3x4 inches) in size. He sent her away with a medication to relieve brain swelling. I got the shocking call from David and arranged for Susan to fly home the next day with her mother Helen and Lexie. I kept a scheduled meeting at church with Mitch VanderWal and Chris Olson where we scrapped the agenda and prayed like crazy. I cried a lot. It was good to be with friends.

Wed 06/27/07
Susan arrived at Long Beach Airport. After lunch at home, we went to Long Beach Memorial Medical Center ER. They administered more meds for swelling, seizure, and pain, and did an MRI. Sue was admitted the neurological ward upstairs and scheduled for a brain biopsy.

Thu 06/28/07
Dr Barry Ceverha performed a CT-guided brain biopsy to sample the tumor.

Fri 06/29/07
Susan was discharged from the hospital with medications to await biopsy results and a proposed craniotomy surgery for tumor resection on 7/9 or 7/10.

Having severe pain, exploring the cause

Apr-Nov 2006
Susan was diagnosed and treated for early stage breast cancer, and had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. Thankfully, she did not need radiation or chemotherapy since they caught it so early with a routine mammogram. Her oncologist released her believing she would not have any recurrence of breast cancer.

May-Jun 2007
Susan had a visual event called an aura that looked like sparkling or shimmering lights in the peripheral vision while everything looked kind of wavy in front. She began waking up with a headache each morning with severe pain at the crown of her head. Pain relievers like naproxin gave some relief, but the pain was always there. She consulted and visited a variety of doctors – optometrist, chiropractor, general practitioner, plastic surgeon (breast reconstruction follow-up). Blood tests that would have detected metastatic (spreading) breast cancer were negative.
I was focused on the likelihood of a hormonal or pre-menopausal connection and was having her pursue an ob-gyn visit.

Fri 06/22/07
Susan went on vacation to Clearlake in Northern California with her parents and our daughter, Lexie. The boys and I were to follow for a few days the next week since they were in summer school. Susan woke up in severe pain that morning and had been nauseous and vomiting. It was a slow start following a sluggish and disorganized night of packing. I was amazed at how many items she forgot to pack – I shipped a box up north for her on Monday.

Perspective

We're thankful to our family and many friends who love Susan and are lifting her to the Lord in prayer. We truly are grateful for your care expressed in many ways and for the genuine labor in prayer being spent on Susan's behalf. Because this is happening to Susan, it's affecting people who are connected to us on various levels. We believe the end result will be a wonderful God-encounter for everyone involved. We're all in the hands of the living God.

Susan is one of more than several dozen people from Emmanuel Church in Paramount CA who are undergoing treatment for tumors and cancer – at least ten were diagnosed since May 2007. What's going on? I'm not sure about per capita cancer statistics nationwide, but all of this sounds like a lot for a church with attendance of about 1700.

One puzzling fact about Susan is that she was treated for early stage breast cancer in July 2006 and had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. (Thankfully, with early detection and surgery, she did not need radiation or chemotherapy.) What's unusual is the brain tumor is totally independent from the breast cancer. Both are "primary" tumors; the breast cancer had not metastasized. That's like lightning striking the same person twice. 

Attitude 

Early in the morning on Wed 06/27/07, the day after we got news about a mass on Susan's brain, the word "attitude" had been swirling in my mind, which led me to Philippians 2:5, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

As I read further the Lord impressed me with Philippians 2:14-16a: 

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life." I felt that we were on display for some reason with this thing, and that we should be speaking words of life.

Also, I've learned over the past year or so that circumstances (good or bad) are not an end in themselves, but a means God can use to teach us something wonderful about Him. So, I'm aware not to ask "Why?" but "What?" "What are you doing, Lord? I know you're hiding something good for us in here somewhere – we'll look until we find it."

Preparation 

Around April 2007, I spent about a month extracting deep revelation from Psalm 23 so I could help lead Oasis, our mid-week meeting at Emmanuel for prayer, meditation, and worship.

Psalm 23, A psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I had no idea how these words from my heart would comfort Susan as she struggled through pain and neurological deficit in the days following diagnosis. Meanwhile, in early 2007, Susan shared with her friend and mentor Joyce Wybenga that she truly knows God loves her, more than she's ever understood before. Had God been preparing us for this, or what?

The Living Word 

After Susan’s diagnosis, a variety of people shared a stream of Bible verses with a remarkably hopeful thread. God's Word is living, active and creative, and is part of His power for us today in the context of our lives:

From my sister, Becky

2 Chronicles 20:15 "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."

Exodus 15:2 "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Nehemiah 8:10 "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

From Vicki Gelberg

1 John 1:1-4 "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete."

Psalm 103:1-5 "Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

From Bob Olson

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

From Chris Olson

Psalm 121 (for Susan): "I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does Susan's help come from? Her help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let her foot slip – he who watches over Susan will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over her will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over Susan—the LORD is her shade at her right hand; the sun will not harm Susan by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep Susan from all harm—he will watch over her life; the LORD will watch over her coming and going both now and forevermore."

Also, in the day or two after surgery while Susan was in critical condition, my sister Becky saw a vision of Jesus walking with Susan, holding her up and helping her to walk. She saw an IV tube going from his body into hers. Jesus said, "This is why I died."

Okay, don't know about you, but I'm feeling pretty good at this point. Let's review:

• Susan is in Christ, and Christ is seated in the heavenlies at the right hand of God, "far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come" (Ephesians 1:21). Jesus is far above the power of cancer.

The Ultimate Question 

Medically speaking, Susan will die from her brain tumor. It is incurable, so at some point, we're told, it will overcome her. More surgery and radiation and chemotherapy can delay and interrupt; but the medical prognosis is limited. Of course, don't we all have to go sometime? The human death rate is still 100%. But after 22 years of marriage, Susan and I are still planning to grow old together.

So now what? We will continue pursuing every medical treatment, and we thank God for the best help from the best professionals (Long Beach Memorial, Mayo Clinic, Cedars-Sinai, UCLA). Overall, we pray, knowing that God is good and that He is able to do miraculous things. If there were ever a circumstance where He could do something glorious for His name's sake (and for us), this is it. A miracle is simply the intersection of God's power and human need. We're asking for one. Yet God is sovereign, and He'll do His will, not ours. 

Encouragement  

I like the story of the Hebrew men in exile in Babylon, forced by Nebuchadnezzar to bow to a false god or be burned alive. In Daniel 3:16-18,

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, 'O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.'"

I resolve to stand with them. Our God is able to save Susan, and (in faith) He will rescue her. But even if he does not, (in faith) that's ok. God does not owe us anything; and there are lots of people worse off than we are. Whatever happens, He will receive glory, and our worship. Please join Susan, our children, and me as we celebrate the Living God, as we give thanks and as we worship.

I have known the presence of God in worship for a long time, but I have yet to know Him significantly in healing. My desire is that worship will be the bridge and that it will not be for Susan alone, but for others who are afflicted. To God be the glory!