A second craniotomy

Mon 08/06/07
We awoke at 3:00a, were on the freeway by 4:20a, and made it to UCLA in 25 minutes instead of the usual 60-90 minutes. I realize how close Bellflower is to Westwood except for traffic. Arrived at Admissions Dept on time at 5:00a and learned about our $3500 co-payment. They'll bill me.
Went to pre-op area at 5:30a and Susan's anesthesiologist and some of her nurses, including Laurie, our liaison for surgery updates. Susan had an initial exam, got IVs started, and went into surgery on schedule at 7:30a.

• 10:30a update from Laurie – all is going ok in O.R.
• 1:30p update – first phase is done and went well. They're doing an inter-operative MRI scan to check tumor location before 2nd phase. About 1-2 hours remain.
• 3:10p Dr Liau spoke to family while her assistants finished closing. (Susan's parents David & Helen, Aunt Linda, Randy & Dorothy with David & Nathan, and friend Vicki Gelberg were there with the kids and I.)
• The craniotomy revealed there had been quite a bit of brain swelling due to the significant tumor size. The tumor emerged and kind of lifted up when the skull was opened, which made the resection easier. Susan did not need to be awakened during surgery. Dr Liau removed about 8 grams of tumor; all samples tested were composed of glioblastoma cells. There are some tendrils remaining, including a portion across the mid-line to the right side. She said to plan on Susan having memory & cognitive setbacks due to surgery that should improve during recovery.
• The surgery was successful in significantly de-bulking Susan's brain tumor and in her coming through without complications. Now radiation and chemotherapy have a better chance of success since there are fewer tumor cells to target. Also, there is a possibility that Susan may be eligible for a clinical trial cancer vaccine.
• Great joy as the family visited Susan in ICU at 5:15p. She was waking up well and was still groggy, but has carried over memory from before surgery. Instead of asking all the where-what-who questions like before, she knows where she is and what's happened. She didn't talk much, but she said "I'm pretty clued-in to what's going on." All thanks and praise to God for a great day.
• My 9:00-10:00p ICU visit went well. Susan was more alert than earlier and aware of her surroundings. She was in quite a bit of pain and really wanted to sleep, so her nurse raised her dose of morphine. She remembered that Adam has "sore eyes" and needs to see the doctor. Actually, he has a muscle spasm in his neck & shoulder, but she had the general idea – a month ago, Susan couldn't remember our kids at all.

The family gathered in the cozy chapel at UCLA Medical Center after Susan's surgery to give thanks to God and ask for His continued hand of healing upon Susan.

Hard news, and a healing

Thu 07/26/07
I received the Mayo Clinic pathology report faxed to my office – not good news. Susan's tumor is a malignant, grade IV glioblastoma, not the milder grade III oligodendroglioma. The tissue has unusual characteristics more commonly seen with the milder tumor, so it looks like oligodendroglioma. Dr Scheithauer at Mayo is the global expert in brain tumor pathology, so kudos to the LB Memorial staff for getting his opinion. I confirmed the report was sent to UCLA and I forwarded it to LBMMC Neurosurgeon Barry Ceverha also.
I spoke with Dr Nghiemphu, who recommends surgery within two weeks followed by simultaneous radiation and chemotherapy for this more rare and deadly tumor. Experimental clinical trials are usually available for Glioblastoma patients; but not for Susan since she had breast cancer last year – she would need to be cancer free for 3 years. We'll consult with Drs Liau (UCLA) and Ceverha (LBMMC) to decide who will operate.
To me, this is the perfect setup for God to do something miraculous. I believe in Him and His power. Lord, have mercy.
We had a 1pm appointment in Long Beach for Susan's abdominal CT scan. The nurse had difficulty getting a good vein for the contrast solution; but the scan finished quickly.

I truly was rattled by the Mayo Clinic pathology report that revealed Susan's tumor is a grade IV glioblastoma instead of the lesser oligodendroglioma. Several weeks ago, a doctor told me glioblastoma is a death sentence. Mind you, he's one of many gifted and experienced physicians who work in clinical practice focused on known conditions, standard treatments, and probable outcomes. They know more about specific areas of God's creation than I ever will, yet God seems so far removed from their clinical realm. I've had several times where fear or despair have come over me, and I've pushed them away. A time of worship on the 405 freeway brought my focus back to the Living God, God the Healer.
On our way to church for Oasis, I spoke with Susan about the Mayo report, she with her 10-12 inch incision on her scalp, her impaired vision, her vertigo, her muddled memory, and her numb right foot. We talked about the ominous report and uncertain outcome. She believes she will not die yet – that God has work and witnessing for her to do on this earth. And she is not afraid to die. We resolved again that we will not fear, we will not despair, and we will trust God for healing. We will wait on the Lord while we pursue every medical option available.
Oasis was amazing. The Holy Spirit was in charge. Bob & Chris Olson sang over the congregation, then Mitch VanderWal read scripture and we entered into prayers of praise together. I shared our perspective with those gathered, feeling awkward that as a leader of Oasis, so much attention was drawn to my wife while there were other cancer patients in the room who were more unnoticed. Oh well, this is where God has put us, on display. I shared Philippians 2:16-18 and Daniel 3:18. We had a time of deep, emotional worship, turning the focus from ourselves to God. Vicki shared how the Spirit led her to organize the prayer vigil. Ken spoke from the heart and prayed, followed by silent prayer, and more deep worship and prayer. As the night, concluded, Vicki was impressed to pray for healing of Susan's vision. A group of people rallied around with Melanie Gunsolus obediently ministering. When Sue opened her eyes, she was looking directly at Melanie, seeing beautiful eyes instead of just "shiny glass!" And she was seeing colors, not just shades of grey! Thank you, Lord!
Melanie was confident Sue would receive healing when the Holy Spirit came upon her and she felt a "transfer" go from her to Susan, similar to what she's experienced in the past with other healing. Pastor Ken watched our niece Alyssa's face as Susan was healed and described the happiest expression he's ever seen – a mixture of joy, wonder, and amazement. It was holy ground as faith became sight. Thank you, Lord!

Perspective

We're thankful to our family and many friends who love Susan and are lifting her to the Lord in prayer. We truly are grateful for your care expressed in many ways and for the genuine labor in prayer being spent on Susan's behalf. Because this is happening to Susan, it's affecting people who are connected to us on various levels. We believe the end result will be a wonderful God-encounter for everyone involved. We're all in the hands of the living God.

Susan is one of more than several dozen people from Emmanuel Church in Paramount CA who are undergoing treatment for tumors and cancer – at least ten were diagnosed since May 2007. What's going on? I'm not sure about per capita cancer statistics nationwide, but all of this sounds like a lot for a church with attendance of about 1700.

One puzzling fact about Susan is that she was treated for early stage breast cancer in July 2006 and had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. (Thankfully, with early detection and surgery, she did not need radiation or chemotherapy.) What's unusual is the brain tumor is totally independent from the breast cancer. Both are "primary" tumors; the breast cancer had not metastasized. That's like lightning striking the same person twice. 

Attitude 

Early in the morning on Wed 06/27/07, the day after we got news about a mass on Susan's brain, the word "attitude" had been swirling in my mind, which led me to Philippians 2:5, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

As I read further the Lord impressed me with Philippians 2:14-16a: 

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life." I felt that we were on display for some reason with this thing, and that we should be speaking words of life.

Also, I've learned over the past year or so that circumstances (good or bad) are not an end in themselves, but a means God can use to teach us something wonderful about Him. So, I'm aware not to ask "Why?" but "What?" "What are you doing, Lord? I know you're hiding something good for us in here somewhere – we'll look until we find it."

Preparation 

Around April 2007, I spent about a month extracting deep revelation from Psalm 23 so I could help lead Oasis, our mid-week meeting at Emmanuel for prayer, meditation, and worship.

Psalm 23, A psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I had no idea how these words from my heart would comfort Susan as she struggled through pain and neurological deficit in the days following diagnosis. Meanwhile, in early 2007, Susan shared with her friend and mentor Joyce Wybenga that she truly knows God loves her, more than she's ever understood before. Had God been preparing us for this, or what?

The Living Word 

After Susan’s diagnosis, a variety of people shared a stream of Bible verses with a remarkably hopeful thread. God's Word is living, active and creative, and is part of His power for us today in the context of our lives:

From my sister, Becky

2 Chronicles 20:15 "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."

Exodus 15:2 "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Nehemiah 8:10 "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

From Vicki Gelberg

1 John 1:1-4 "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete."

Psalm 103:1-5 "Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

From Bob Olson

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

From Chris Olson

Psalm 121 (for Susan): "I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does Susan's help come from? Her help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let her foot slip – he who watches over Susan will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over her will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over Susan—the LORD is her shade at her right hand; the sun will not harm Susan by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep Susan from all harm—he will watch over her life; the LORD will watch over her coming and going both now and forevermore."

Also, in the day or two after surgery while Susan was in critical condition, my sister Becky saw a vision of Jesus walking with Susan, holding her up and helping her to walk. She saw an IV tube going from his body into hers. Jesus said, "This is why I died."

Okay, don't know about you, but I'm feeling pretty good at this point. Let's review:

• Susan is in Christ, and Christ is seated in the heavenlies at the right hand of God, "far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come" (Ephesians 1:21). Jesus is far above the power of cancer.

The Ultimate Question 

Medically speaking, Susan will die from her brain tumor. It is incurable, so at some point, we're told, it will overcome her. More surgery and radiation and chemotherapy can delay and interrupt; but the medical prognosis is limited. Of course, don't we all have to go sometime? The human death rate is still 100%. But after 22 years of marriage, Susan and I are still planning to grow old together.

So now what? We will continue pursuing every medical treatment, and we thank God for the best help from the best professionals (Long Beach Memorial, Mayo Clinic, Cedars-Sinai, UCLA). Overall, we pray, knowing that God is good and that He is able to do miraculous things. If there were ever a circumstance where He could do something glorious for His name's sake (and for us), this is it. A miracle is simply the intersection of God's power and human need. We're asking for one. Yet God is sovereign, and He'll do His will, not ours. 

Encouragement  

I like the story of the Hebrew men in exile in Babylon, forced by Nebuchadnezzar to bow to a false god or be burned alive. In Daniel 3:16-18,

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, 'O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.'"

I resolve to stand with them. Our God is able to save Susan, and (in faith) He will rescue her. But even if he does not, (in faith) that's ok. God does not owe us anything; and there are lots of people worse off than we are. Whatever happens, He will receive glory, and our worship. Please join Susan, our children, and me as we celebrate the Living God, as we give thanks and as we worship.

I have known the presence of God in worship for a long time, but I have yet to know Him significantly in healing. My desire is that worship will be the bridge and that it will not be for Susan alone, but for others who are afflicted. To God be the glory!