Disqus

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Feeling fine


In spite of occasional spells of tiredness or pain, Susan feels well these days.  She’s been diligent about eating properly, so her blood sugar level has measured well below 150 for most of the past few weeks.  It’s amazing to test her glucose after breakfast when she has a bowl of cereal once a week instead of her usual eggs – cereal sends the level higher and proves the benefit of low-carb eating.
 
In discussing results of the bladder pacemaker during our follow-up urology appointment, Dr Kim decided the test was successful. Even so, Susan probably won’t get the permanent device since its manufacturer has not approved it when having MRIs, a frequent event for her.  When the issue came up just before surgery, I wondered why we were doing the procedure at all and why we didn’t know about the conflict earlier.  The company rep said there’s no known problem with the device, but it had not been specifically approved for use with MRI.  The trial device posed no MRI risk and would provide good information, so we went ahead.  Since then, Susan’s specialists have been chatting about the trade-offs; but I suspect we’ll be safe and pass on the permanent device.  She’s doing okay right now in that department anyway.
 
She’ll have an infectious disease follow-up next week and her scheduled brain tumor check-up after Labor Day. We’re ever in the Lord’s hands.
 
I often say Susan is the sweetest person I know. She handles her illness bravely, repels the urge to complain or have a sour attitude, and is always concerned about the welfare of others, especially our family. Her desire to do things right and obey the rules makes her a gracious patient.  Compliant by nature and having lost a good deal of independence, she sometimes even asks if it’s okay to hold her fork in her other hand.  My Susan is just so sweet. 
 
Last night as I soaked in her adorability, I told her again that I love her. She echoed her feelings to me.  Then she said she’s become more aware of feeling surrounded by the love of others, more than she has before, and that she’s feeling loved by people who never may have expressed it before. I agreed that lots of people love her and are showing it in many of wonderful ways. We noted the paradox of an illness like GBM – that it connects you more deeply to others than when life was normal and busy and overlooked.  We agreed that if cancer creates more meaningful relationships, that’s not a bad thing.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Another good week


With more distance between her and the conditions that led to July’s hospitalization, Susan continues to improve. Some of her sores from shingles remain and still are painful, but much less so.  We had several more urology activities, including another consultation on July 30 to discuss the treatment plan for Susan’s kidney stones. While the stones may be causing her ongoing infections (with another last week), we decided to table the issue until we know whether the bladder pacemaker may fix her incontinence and another point of infection.
 
Susan had an InterStim device connected Tuesday on a one-week trial basis. She has a controller the size of a large TV remote that clips onto her waistband and connects electrodes passing under her skin to the sacral nerve on the lower spine. The idea is that when urinary urgency or frequency is caused by disrupted brain signals, sending mild electrical pulses to the pelvic floor can help a person regain control. Susan has had some improvement so far.  We’ll evaluate the results on Monday with the urologist. If they look good, we’ll schedule another surgery to implant the device.
 
I continue to be amazed at Susan’s unquenchably positive attitude and enduring faith. To her, today’s headache is not as bad as yesterday’s and will be better tomorrow. Those shingles sores were a lot worse a few weeks ago.  That back pain will only last a few more days. True, her incomplete memory means her awareness of pain that continues even over days at a time is blessedly distorted. But her ability to draw from her reservoir of hope truly is life-sustaining. 

Speaking of her incomplete memory, I enjoy Susan’s remarks lately when it’s time for dessert. Since her diabetes became known to us, she now enjoys a low-carb fudgesicle after dinner instead of something with lots of sugar. She really enjoys it. A lot. She’s thrilled she actually can have such a treat. She’s astonished it’s not forbidden. It’s indulgent. It’s dreamy. It’s so satisfying. Carried away in a silky-cold chocolate stupor, she’ll say something like, “I know I have this treat every night, but what's nice about not remembering things is that I forget how much I enjoy it, so I get all excited when you bring it to me the next night. And now it’s the next night already so I’m really happy.” “Yep,” I reply, “First time every time.”
 
When we broke Susan’s overnight fast after surgery at noon on Tuesday, we gave thanks for our food and for all the support we get from doctors, family, and friends.  Susan recalled being greeted by someone at church on Sunday who’s familiar with our situation and said she’s praying for us. Susan doesn’t know her well. She thought about all the people she doesn’t know who know about us and support us in prayer. Her thoughts turned to Heaven.  She said someday she’ll go to Heaven and she’ll see all these people she doesn’t know now but will know then, and will have an instant connection to them. As she’s said so many times before, she said we have no idea about the things God has in store for us in Heaven. It will be amazing.
 
I think of what John says – that disciple who saw and heard and touched and knew Jesus on earth, and years later writes about what is to come. 
“Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.” 1 John 3:3-4
This is the hope that’s burned into our souls. This hope holds out the possibility that God could heal and restore Susan instantly for the remainder of her years on earth.  But greater than mere possibility, this hope holds out real knowledge for us.  We know we’ll have eternity with God that’s beyond anything we could imagine.