One of Susan’s most persistent complications has been infection, from the fungal infection that caused meningitis to the various bacteria that have affected her urinary system repeatedly. The return of proteus last month prompted another course of antibiotics that in the past has knocked back the problem pretty well. This time, however, the infection returned within weeks and got us back to UCLA on Tuesday for an ultrasound to learn more. The radiologist reported a high likelihood of a stone in her right kidney, most likely what’s called a struvite stone that can form due to a proteus infection. Her infectious disease physician said such a stone will continue to cause infection, so it sounds like a vicious loop that needs an off-ramp.
Our next step is to meet with a urologist at UCLA and for Susan to have a CT scan of the urinary tract that will confirm or rule out our suspicions. Judging from her persistent symptoms, the kidney stone idea makes sense. If confirmed, I’m sure the type, number and size as well as Susan’s overall condition will drive a treatment decision; but we’re not ready for that conversation yet. I hope we’ll know more soon. Meanwhile, we’ll be back at UCLA next week for her scheduled MRI and oncology visit to update the brain tumor outlook, hoping at least for continued stability.
While chatting with friends at church last week, we spent a few minutes with two ladies who also have been facing some of life’s great challenges and the portent of change that threatens to follow. One recently recovered from surgery and continues to regain her strength. The other is caring for her husband who’s been battling complications from cancer treatment. We have in common the upheaval of illness and treatment, the challenge of rallying to overcome, and the overwhelming peace of God who helps us. Actually, since each of our health challenges is so different, God’s practical peace is our true bond. Each of us has tasted it, touched it, seen it, and has experienced the remarkable sensation that somehow we’re surviving (even thriving) because of God and his peace. Each of us is learning to trust God more, and we all agreed with amazement that the hard things we’re enduring are the very things that are teaching us to trust him.
Our journey that began with the possibility of Susan having breast cancer in 2005 continues to be one of grappling with mystery. Not the why – we abandoned that dead end a long time ago because the answer is mostly unknowable on earth and is not so important anyway. We’ve grappled with the what and the how. What are you doing, Lord? How shall we respond? The mystery is worth working out because at the center of it is the living, loving, almighty God who desperately wants us to know him, who has resources to meet our deepest need, and who will use any circumstance to get our attention.
Hard circumstances, then, are not a life-shattering trigger for despair but the stuff of life itself – a gift to unwrap and a glorious treasure to discover. It's a weird thought, isn't it? But I’d rather embrace the circumstance, take on the adventure, and find the prize. Why should I fight it out of anger or worse yet, ignore it out of denial? The tragic side of tragedy is to leave the gift unwrapped and God’s treasure unknown.
