Transformation

We’ve been having a transforming experience now for over 4½ years.

Life is all about transformation – as you read these words, you no longer appear the way you did when you entered this world and took your first lungful of air. Whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, most of life’s transformations occur gradually as we grow and have new experiences. These changes may not be evident in the short run – but consider yourself after over a decade or two and you’ll see a transformed person. Life does that.

Some of life’s transformations happen quickly, like when Susan's brain tumor made itself known. A headache that wouldn’t quit and a search for the cause – six weeks. A CT scan; a seizure, stroke, and surgery – eight days. Having the reality of death thrust upon you is immediately transforming. So are the sudden effects of disability with brain trauma. Having our game board overturned so suddenly made us wonder what we still had, what we’d lost, and what would happen next.

Loss itself is transforming – we’d lost our familiar way of life, we’d nearly lost Susan, and we had certainly lost control. But in so much upheaval, something stayed intact. It’s our foundation, our faith, our understanding of God; who he is and who we are. God had poured that foundation into us from his heart and his might. And it stayed. Our foundation shook as violently as anything else, but it didn’t groan or break. It stayed. And widened, deepened, and got stronger. It’s amazing.

Life has changed so much for us since 2007. Susan went from a full-time mom of teenagers and practicing dental hygienist to a brain cancer survivor. She’s been through the tumult and continues to fight. The kids and I have been along for the ride, all bolted to our foundation. What once was unbelievable for us became reality: not just cancer, but brain cancer; a stroke, craniotomies, chemo, radiation, meningitis, hydrocephalus; a brain hemorrhage; bone fractures, infections, and so on. Then something more unbelievable happened: we discovered we’re okay.

Somehow, in a short span of time, we have been and are being transformed. Our greater foundation means we regard death differently. I remember a time when thoughts of death for Susan brought great fear. Not anymore. Not since we’ve walked through that valley and realized there’s a wonderful, necessary purpose in it. We’ve moved to acceptance, even anticipation. When we talk about dying now, Susan looks forward to being with God in heaven. She wants to experience the new home he’s prepared for her. She knows living there will be truly living. It will be magnificent. We’re together in our outlook. As much as we value and hold to our life on earth, when it’s my time to go I intend to have a running start.

Why are we okay? One of Jesus’ companions, John, writing with wisdom and perspective toward the end of his life, says: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” (1 John 4:18) There was a time when Susan doubted God’s love for her. She was aware of her sin and knew she deserved punishment. But there was grace. About ten years ago she was led into a season of healing and deep affirmation of God’s love for her.

We both enjoyed that season, its transforming effect on her. We enjoyed the confidence she gained in herself, her God, and her future. When breast cancer came, she was ready to handle it in the right spirit because her foundation already had been improved. When brain cancer came a year later, the love and strength God had poured into her made her ready for that. The nearness of death, while unwelcome, did not send us reeling because God had already removed its sting and wrapped us in his grace. Then we realized we’d already been transformed. That discovery itself was transforming. 

So, this far along, we are: saved and being saved, healed and being healed; transformed and being transformed. We thank God for the foundation he’s given us and look forward to what’s next.