Doing well at home

It’s been two weeks since Susan came home and even longer since my last update. Susan is doing well. Life is busy. Between working, caring for Susan, interviewing and orienting her caregivers, and administering our home, it’s surprising how quickly a couple of weeks went by. Susan’s homecoming came with great joy on October 22nd. We adapted easily to having her back with the family. The hugs and kisses come easily now. Each of the boys has had many occasions to stop and linger for a smooch while walking by or to go out of their way to love on their mom. Lexie has been extra cuddly too, with both of us. But the night Susan came home, Lexie came into the den and announced her plans for the evening. Susan began quizzing her about where she was going exactly, who she’d be with, when she’d get home, and so on. Lexie looked at me sort of puzzled. I just smiled at her and said with a lilt, “Mom’s back.”

As for me, one word sums up Susan being home: satisfaction. In fact, the feeling was ecstatic for the first several days. At the risk of being insensitive, I admit it seemed to me almost like she had returned to us from being dead. Of course, we knew her absence was temporary; but she hadn’t set foot in our home for over three months. Her side of the bed remained empty. Her clothes and cosmetics were untouched. We had adjusted to being at home without mom – the food purchases, the meals, the household routines all adapted to just dad and three teenagers. I couldn’t help but wonder whether we had a dry run to allow us practice in case she should pass away – but such thoughts are too big for me. With good reason, the contrast of her return brought sheer delight to us. We know absence makes the heart grow fonder; but I was surprised how much I had missed having Susan with me. I lay next to her that first night and told her I had missed her, how she completes me, and that I feel utterly satisfied being with her. It took three or four nights of the same thing before I expressed myself well enough. Lately, my words are simpler. “You make me happy.” Susan said it’s strange I would say that when she’s in her condition, so I emphasize the you who makes me happy no matter what the condition. It’s satisfying to be together. I will write more about our life during the past couple weeks as time allows.

I ignored paying bills and doing several other things this evening to sit with Susan while we watched TV awhile and eventually did our bedtime routine. I enjoyed spending the day with her as we went up to UCLA again for chemotherapy and just needed to linger with her. She prayed a beautiful prayer at bedtime. She thanked God for the gift of our lives, that He’s given us to each other and given us our children and our home. She thanked Him for always being with us and for making a home for us in heaven when it’s our time to die. She asked Him to fulfill His plans for us during our time on earth and to help us bring glory to His name. As she prayed like that for several minutes, it seemed like each thought that came to her was laden with truth and bore the nature of the Holy Spirit. I was aware of contentment now and for the future. Afterward, I told her how glad I am she’s secure in trusting God. She said this illness has caused her to test what she believes about God and decide whether it’s true for her. It is. I said her faith and confidence in eternal life have made her strong. She said she doesn’t think she’s very strong. I remembered what Paul wrote and said God’s power is made perfect in our weakness; and that’s the kind of strength she has. She said, “When I am weak, then I’m strong.” Yeah, that’s it.