Hospice, week 7

Susan’s progression of more sleeping and less waking continues since last week. The past few days she’s had fewer meals, either from sleeping through mealtimes or losing interest in the meal she’s having. Her hospice nurse encouraged me not to worry, that she really doesn’t need more than one meal a day. It’s hard to know how much time she has at this point; but I know one can linger only so long without food and even less without water. I know that as Susan’s journey takes her toward Heaven, food and water will become less important to her.

That said, today she had several awake periods and ate three meals. She had a good day. She smiles easily when she wakes up and still never complains. Our messing around is muted; but she still giggles when I tease her. That’s because when we mess around, we don’t mess around.

I asked Susan the other day if she’s ready to go to Heaven. She said “yes.” Curious, I asked if she thinks she’ll go to Heaven soon. Just like you and me, she couldn’t answer. I asked if she’s scared. She said “no.” I love her courage and trust in God.

I’ve been praying Psalm 63 for Susan this week. David wrote these words in the Desert of Judah:

¹ O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Susan’s soul thirsts for God and her body longs for relief in a weary land, our restless world.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. ³ Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. ⁴ I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. ⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

She knows the God she worships. She knows his goodness. His love is her greatest treasure, and is one of the spiritual possessions she will take with her from this earth. The lesser things will stay here; but she’ll bring her great treasures back to the Lord with thanksgiving so they can celebrate together.

⁶ On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. ⁷ Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. ⁸ My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Susan’s journey is so much more private now. Sometimes I find her awake at night, lying there quietly. She has thoughts that only the Lord knows. God truly is our help; we have no other. He gives us great peace, so much that we praise him under his unseen protection.

⁹ Those who want to kill me will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth. ¹⁰ They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals. ¹¹ But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God will glory in him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Cancer is a great disabler that is itself disabled. The lie of cancer is that it will consume you; but now I realize how limited it is. It cannot touch your soul. It cannot snuff your spirit. Cancer may so disease a person’s body that it cannot go on living – but cancer dies when the body does. Cancer loses. When Susan goes to heaven, she will glory in the Lord, forever.