Hospice, week 8

Today begins Susan’s eighth week at home on hospice care. On days when she’s more awake and alert, I get the feeling she’ll be with us indefinitely. On days when she mostly sleeps and doesn’t eat, drink or respond much, it seems she has less time, days maybe. It’s hard to know because we can’t. We’re left to trust the Lord with life and death just as much as we did when Susan’s brain tumor journey started six years ago.

These days there are usually about 2 hours in 24 for us to interact. She’s most lovely at first when she fully awakes, with her eyes clear, bright, and blue. Her warm smile beautifully frames her thinning face. She responds to my jokes with a knowing look and a brief giggle. We still connect. In those moments I move in with affirming words, food, water, and meds. I ply all of her daily meds on her at once since a second opening is so elusive.

I enjoy praying with her before her meal. We thank God for the gift of life, for his love and faithfulness, for his peace, joy, healing and strength; for our kids. We declare our trust in him and our thanks for holding our lives in his hands. When we finish praying, Susan usually sighs and looks me in the eyes instead of saying “amen.” Sometimes she says simply, “yes.” It’s all amen anyway. Yes, God, you are good. Yes, we trust you. Yes, we thank you.

It’s amazing how God’s Word becomes so consistently relevant through the filter of each day’s circumstances. This week I saw Psalm 65 like never before. David says:

“Praise awaits you, our God, in Zion; to you our vows will be fulfilled. You who answer prayer, to you all people will come. When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions. Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts! We are filled with the good things of your house, of your holy temple.”

Eventually, all people will come to God. Susan will come in her time with his Son’s credentials. Her praise waits for that moment when she comes to him, when her vows are fulfilled – like her vow to trust him for salvation. She’ll praise him in person for the day he relieved her of her sins and forgave her transgressions. She’ll praise him for so much more; her praise will go on and on. She’ll join those he chose to bring near and live in his courts. She’ll be filled with the good things of his house.

“You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds, God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, who formed the mountains by your power, having armed yourself with strength, who stilled the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the turmoil of the nations. The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.”

Meanwhile, here on earth where morning dawns and evening fades, the One who answers prayer responds with awesome and righteous deeds. We know the effect of his creative deeds that brought our world into being. We’re among those across the globe who witness his dominion and care over us.

“You care for the land and water it; you enrich it abundantly. The streams of God are filled with water to provide the people with grain, for so you have ordained it. You drench its furrows and level its ridges; you soften it with showers and bless its crops. You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance. The grasslands of the wilderness overflow; the hills are clothed with gladness. The meadows are covered with flocks and the valleys are mantled with grain; they shout for joy and sing.”

During our years on the earth, we all enjoy the abundance of the world God made and sustains for us. For a time we have the opportunity to praise him for his goodness that covers the earth. And if we choose, we can lay claim to the greater glory that is the heavenly Zion. If we choose, we can praise him now, in our plenty or our wanting. But we look forward to the greater praise that rightly waits for him when we enter his house at last.