A new awakening in ICU

Thu 07/05/07
Susan began a five-day stay in ICU. We celebrated some initial breakthroughs – she's speaking! She opened her eyes, she was alert, and she was able to have her breathing tube removed in the morning. I asked, "Do you have any pain?" (No). "They took that tumor out" (I have no idea what you're talking about).
We also discovered some initial setbacks – limited vision and impaired memory. Susan evidently had a stroke near the corneal artery (possibly with her seizure on the evening of July 3rd) that affects her right field of vision.

Fri 07/06/07
Even though on Day 2 after surgery Susan was making great physical progress, somehow death was near. With her memory deficit she did not know where she was, or why, and did not know the year or month. She could not remember our children or even that we had any. She expressed concern for me and what I must be suffering for her, which was encouraging.
Later, she said, "It's stubborn sometimes." (What is?) "Whatever needs to give up." (What needs to give up?) "The spirit or soul or whatever." Then she asked, "Who is asking me to give up my spirit?" (Who does it sound like?) "I don't know." (Ask Jesus to show you...Do you want to give up your spirit?) "I don't know..." (If you do, it's ok...) If it's her time to go to Heaven, I need to release her.
I had no idea what to expect next. A while later, when I described our kids to her, she prayed for them. She asked God would allow her to know them and who they are, to give them peace and to help them, to let them see her attributes, to give them wisdom and strength in all they do; to "bless and keep Mike and his family, to guard and protect them in the peace of Christ. Thank you for who they are and for what you will do in them." I wondered again if she was going to die soon.
In spite of her severely limited memory, not only is Susan "all there" spiritually, she's in a deeper place than before. Later she said, "Where's my scripture?" and was feeling around her bed. "Where did I put it?" (Just relax. I think it's hidden in your heart. What scripture are you looking for?) "The Lord is my Shepherd." We started saying Psalm 23 together. Then the woman who couldn't tell me the correct year recited the entire passage by herself. Wow.

Sat 07/07/07
Susan is still poorly oriented (doesn't know year, place, what happened; I reminded her about our children.) We read Mark 10:46-52 about Jesus healing a blind man named Bartamaeus. I prayed for removal of cancer, and restoration of memory and sight. Susan prayed, "Dear Jesus, thank you for your love and grace and thank you for your mercy. Thank you for your mercy. I ask you for your healing and mercy so I can be your witness of your love and grace, so I can be a witness for my children. Thank you for helping me and being with me. Amen."

Mon 07/09/07
Susan's attitude has been remarkable – thankful, upbeat, appreciative for everything.

Our sister-in-law Dorothy sat with Susan for several hours and visited. Susan talked about not having awareness of past or future, leaving her with what's most important – being here, now, with Dorothy. Pastor Harold Korver rejoiced to hear about it, because while most of us are weighed down by the past or worried about the future, Susan has the precious gift of "living in the now."