Hard days and determination

These have been hard days for Susan. She’s struggling with various levels of exhaustion, disorientation, and ability to do basic tasks. I relate her present symptoms to last week’s chemotherapy and hope they won’t last. Our chemo care notebook from UCLA mentions a term called the “nadir,” the low point in a person’s blood count following chemotherapy when symptoms are at their worst. (It seems the term comes from astronomy and is the opposite of an object’s high point or zenith.) It’s hard to know what that point is for Susan at this time, whether we’ve seen the nadir or we’re still getting there. For now, it’s just hard. She went to bed the other night wondering if it was dinner time or bedtime. Yesterday she couldn’t remember whether our dog Daisy is a male or female. She got stuck several times doing tasks, wondering if she added detergent to the laundry load or staring at the butter, the jam, and a piece of toast, not sure what to do next. The scary thing is to realize she’s been standing there 10-15 minutes trying to figure it out. Last night she caught herself (fortunately) after mixing up the liquid hand soap and the toothpaste – reminiscent of last August. And she’s tired. She woke up from her nap yesterday and fell asleep again while folding laundry. It’s hard because she knows she’s not doing well and is frustrated that she can’t help it. Still, Susan’s try-try spirit inspires me. I’m thankful for the stability of her will.

Monday morning our friend Floyd DeBoer called to let us know his wife Joanne had passed away at 4:30am and is now with the Lord. Her battle with brain cancer intensified over a short period of time as the remedies of surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy did not stop her tumor’s aggressive growth. We share her family’s grief over her death as well as relief that her struggle is finished and she is in heaven. Susan and I are so grateful to have been able to walk with Floyd and Joanne along our brain tumor journeys and see how the Lord accomplished a redemptive work of faith in them. It has been beautiful to see them deepen in their knowledge and trust in Jesus, who won our victory over sin, death, and hell. These brain tumor experiences are life-transforming for everyone; but the in past few months, God brought the DeBoers and us closer to Him and helped us all be better prepared for heaven.